John 5:5-9, “One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” 7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked”, (NIV).
I was reading this passage the other day when a simple question struck me that Jesus asked the man in this story. To a man who had struggled with a physical infirmity for 38 years, we see Jesus ask a question that, on the surface, seems outrageous when keeping in mind the physical limitations this man had been dealing with for well over half his life at this point.
In John 5:6b, we see Jesus asks this man, “Do you want to get well?”
The obvious answer would be yes, right? I mean, I think if I was struggling with any kind of physical infirmity for 38 years, I would answer “yes” to that without even thinking…
But what if there is more to this question than meets the eye? What if Jesus is asking this question because, maybe there are legitimate fears or hesitations this man would have about getting well, and stepping into a different kind of life that has not been well known to him for 38 years?
We usually think about healing in a pretty straightforward way. I know for me, as a chronic-overthinking-sometimes-anxious mind a lot of the time, if Jesus asked me this same question, I would THINK my answer would be a resounding “yes.” But, if I’m honest, maybe I have become a little too comfortable living with the overthinking and the anxiety. Maybe, like the man in this story, I have become comfortable with my limitations. Maybe I even start to make excuses for myself like we see this man do in verse 7, immediately telling Jesus that he “has no one to help” him into the pool (John 5:7).
But perhaps my excuses aren’t quite so obvious. Perhaps, if we are honest with ourselves, we don’t completely “want” to be well, because becoming well means acquiring more responsibility and opening ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt. Becoming well, for this man, meant being willing to learn a new way of life that involved certain levels of responsibility he very likely did not have when at the pool of Bethesda for 38 years. For us, becoming well can involve similar risk. When we no longer have overthinking, anxiety, or any other kind of physical or mental limitation to blame, we find that we must fully acknowledge the responsibility we have to take care of ourselves.
(This, of course, is while also recognizing that anxiety and other mental health concerns, can and often do, require additional help that is beyond our own knowledge and ability. I am simply of the belief that there are both mental and spiritual aspects to anxiety, and this post refers more to the spiritual side.)
For me, the anxiety and overthinking can sometimes serve as self-protection or a defense mechanism. Sometimes being anxious about the past or the future prevents me from thinking about or acknowledging my fears I have in the present moment. Sometimes overthinking a small, peculiar detail or interaction actually gives me a sense of “control” when the big things in my life seem really scary or unpredictable. Sometimes I nit-pick things I don’t like about myself so that I can protect myself from hurt if others reject me (not a great thing to do, I know). Sometimes, as odd as it may seem, I actually choose to dwell on anything negative my mind can think of because I am afraid if I feel truly happy, even just for a moment, it will be taken away. And for some odd reason, practicing these incredibly unhealthy mental habits feeds what many of us have come to identify as “the illusion of control.”
So, for me, I really have to think about the question Jesus asks in verse 6. Do I want to be well? As much as I know the answer should be yes, I think sometimes I am scared to be well. I am scared that the positive feelings I have will be taken away, and I am scared of so many future things in my life that, when I actually choose to be honest with myself about them, I know I have no control over. And being “well”…that means accepting responsibility. Being well means being vulnerable, and, more than anything else, it means choosing to look past blaming any physical or mental limitations I may struggle with and acknowledge that I am accountable for how I choose to live, and for what I choose to put my trust in.
Now, what I must bring my mind back to when thinking about this question, and thinking about the kind of life I want to live and the relationship I want to have with our Creator God, is that I know I want to be able to say “yes.” I also know deep down that while circumstances and things in this life may make me happy in moments, there is ultimately nothing in this world that can come close to the joy that is found when we abide in Jesus. I know that no matter how scared I may feel about things coming in the future, that God is not one bit surprised by any of them. And, when I really think about it, I’m sure glad I’m not in control over every little thing in my life because if I was, nothing that has happened to me in this life would be nearly this great.
So hypothetically, if Jesus were to be asking me, or you, this question of, “Do you want to be well?” I hope and pray we can give our full-hearted yes. I hope we will take the time to acknowledge what could be holding us back from saying yes and truly meaning it, and I really hope we will take the time to look inward and acknowledge whatever may be holding us back from giving a full-hearted surrender to, trust in, and reliance on Jesus.
If you are anything like me, I know it feels scary to say yes, to give up our defenses and to recognize just how vulnerable, precious, and fleeting everything in this life really is. I know it’s not easy to bring ourselves spiritually “naked” before the Lord, but that is exactly what we need to do to receive the healing we need. Just like the man in John 5, we must put away our defenses and self-protection that prevent us from taking responsibility for the parts of our life and our circumstances that we actually can control. So for you, my friend, I hope that instead of blaming others, being afraid to be happy, and, like me, fixating on the most peculiar of details to give yourself an “illusion of control” when the big parts of life feel scary or uncertain, that you will choose to come openly, honestly, and vulnerably to Jesus, being able and willing to give a true YES to the question, “Do you want to be well?”
2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”, (NKJV).
Psalm 16:11, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore”, (ESV).
Philippians 4:11-13, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength”, (NIV).
