If I Could Say One Last Thing

To my beloved grandmother (“Nanaw”) who passed away last week on November 7th:

If I could say one last thing to you (or maybe a few)…

I would tell you how much joy you brought to my heart just simply by existing. I would tell you how much I loved how deeply you thought and analyzed about every detail of every single thing you ever wore. I would tell you how much I love that you have a shoe closet, and that even though you are my grandma, you have better style than me.

I would tell you how funny I thought it was that you always wore shirts with three-quarter length sleeves, never with long sleeves or short sleeves. But I would also tell you that you looked beautiful no matter what you wore, and it breaks my heart to know that you ever believed otherwise.

I would tell you thank you for raising my dad to be the man that he is today. I would tell you how grateful I am to both you and to my dad that you have mended your relationship that was hurt on both sides from deep and painful wounds from the past. I would tell you that I see God in you, and that your faith inspires me to know God more and to be a better person.

I would tell you thank you for believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. For telling me I’m beautiful even when I felt ugly or undesirable. For looking me in the eyes when you talked, and for being truly engaged in conversations even when you couldn’t completely hear what the other person was saying. Thank you for your intentional effort to be close to and have relationships with others, especially with your grandchildren.

I would tell you thank you for all the Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve meals you cooked. I would say thank you for teaching my mom how to cook a proper Thanksgiving turkey, and for allowing me to be a part of helping you cook all your delicious, yummy dishes for these holidays.

Finally, I would tell you thank you just for being you. For being spunky, funny, and for always being determined to win an argument (even against my dad, which for anyone who knows him is certainly no easy task). Thank you for the love you gave, the many times you’ve made me laugh, and for not being afraid to style your hair the same way for 30 years because that is what YOU wanted.

I love you, Nanaw, so incredibly much. It’s hard down here without you right now, but it helps to know that you are up there in heaven with Jesus, and that I will see you again one day. ❤️