I really don’t like goodbyes. Actually, I quite hate them. I despise the thought of having grown so incredibly attached to someone, just to say goodbye to them and either never see them again, or not see them near as much as you once did due to one of you moving far away.
Goodbyes are so hard. For me, they are almost always full of tears. Before I begin the enduring of what I know to be an upcoming goodbye moment, I have sometimes asked God why. Why does He allow me to become so attached to people and develop so much love for them in my heart, only to eventually have to say goodbye to them? And a question I really want to ask God sometimes is, “why does it feel like every person I have ever grown attached to in my life, I have had to say goodbye to in some way?”
I don’t think I will ever grow to actually like goodbyes, but I am finally learning to be able to accept them. I am finally starting to see that even though myself or the other person might be physically moving away, that doesn’t mean the relationship that we had with them suddenly ceases to exist. We still have the relationships with the people we love, wherever we go, and wherever they go. So, even though we may not physically see them as often, I guess it doesn’t really have to be goodbye.
I used to get so mad at God every time I went through a season of change and/or had to say goodbye to yet another very dear friend (which happened a lot for me during my time in seminary). I asked Him why He would allow me to become so attached to people and then take them away, but then, I could feel the Holy Spirit whispering something softly in my ear…
Why would you put a limit on how much you allow yourself to love someone? Why would you hold back part of yourself in a genuine, trusted friendship, just because you know that the two of you might not be together long term in the same physical space? Why would you limit how much you love, when I have never, not even a little bit, but a limit on how much I have loved you?
My sweet Leah, why would you not freely love and freely give of yourself, just like I have done for you? Why would you hold back from allowing others to see the love of Christ in you by how deeply you love and care for them, even when it might cause you pain in those moments when you have to say goodbye to them? Why would you ever refrain yourself or “play it safe” when it comes to loving others? Did I not take a risk by sending my son to die on the cross for all of the sins of humanity, offering the gift of eternal salvation to all, knowing that in the end, not everyone would accept this gift? Did I not love you without limits, and is it not because of my love for you that you have been given the capacity to show the same love to others?
My dear child, I want you to hear this from me now. I want you to freely love, and freely give to others. I want you to let yourself love, with no strings attached, even when saying goodbye (even if only temporary) will be extremely painful on your heart. I want you to love ME with all your heart, soul, mind and strength; and to love your neighbor as yourself. (see Mark 12:30-31) I want you to allow yourself to open your heart to new seasons, and be able to accept the reality that you will have different close relationships at different times throughout your life, and that does not mean that the previous friendships you’ve had have to go away, it just means the form in which you have them changes.
Long-distance friendships are going to stay close through phone calls and the occasional FaceTime, while in-person friendships have more time and flexibility for things like coffee, hiking, going on a walk, or getting dinner together. Neither of these friendships are “better” or “worse” than the other, they are simply different. So, instead of continuing to get mad at God for anticipating even more goodbyes in an upcoming season, I am choosing to say thank you for allowing Him to give me more people to love, and choosing to trust that He has blessed me with some very dear, life-long friendships that are possible to maintain long distance, even if we don’t talk as often as we did in person. I am choosing to smile, and to be thankful to God for providing me with SO many amazing, incredible human beings who have so immensely blessed my life.
Friends, it is also my prayer for you that even though life goes through seasons, and sometimes goodbyes can be so incredibly painful, that you choose to trust God in the midst of them, and allow yourself to be thankful that He has continually given you people to love in your life that has made saying goodbye a hard thing in the first place. And, it is my prayer, that you trust that wherever you are going in your next season, that God will provide you with even more people to love in that next spot.
Mark 12:30-31: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these”, (NIV).
John 15:12-13: “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”, (NLT).
Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go”, (NIV).
1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love”, (NLT).
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