I know the feeling. The feeling of having hit your limit. The feeling that you can’t do it because it’s way too hard, and you aren’t strong enough. The feeling that you cannot possibly take one more step, cry one more tear, or go to bed another night living in the reality that the next steps of your life are entirely unknown. The reality of how little control we actually have over our lives, recognizing that sometimes the things that God calls us to do can actually be the very things that are the hardest on our own hearts.
Sometimes saying yes to God means saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to something (or some people) that you truly and deeply love. I am living in this reality at the very moment that I write this blog post. It was only a few weeks ago that I said goodbye to my home in Kentucky and felt God leading me to move across the country to take a job in Utah. As excited as I was to start this new journey and step into a new adventure after finally graduating from seminary, I knew it was also going to mean a LOT of goodbyes, and a LOT of heartache.
I knew it would mean that I would be away from my family, my church family back home, and my KY friends. I knew it would mean going to bed for many nights with a deep pain in my chest sinking in for the reality of being alone. I knew it would mean going to the store where NO ONE knew me, and I knew it would mean getting used to a whole new way of life in what we know as the Mountain West.
I knew it would mean crying. A lot. Crying because I miss people, crying because I’m sad, and crying because I am so overwhelmed and genuinely believe and feel in my heart that there is no WAY God has actually called me to move my life halfway across the country from everyone I know. Because, well, why would He do that to me? Doesn’t He know I’m not that strong, and doesn’t He see me on the floor at night crying out to Him in fear of the unknown, and in the sadness of, in some ways the first time in my whole life, being genuinely and COMPLETELY on my own?
It’s taken me being here in Utah for several weeks now to even begin to understand the slightest attempted answer to that question. What I do know, is that God does not call us to do things that He knows aren’t good for us, even if we don’t see the good in the moment we are living in currently. He also (speaking from experience here) NEVER calls us to do things that are easy, or things we even remotely think we could possibly do on our own. God calls us to do things that are hard, and sometimes, things that are painful. Like saying goodbye (or even “see you later”). Because, well, it is in those hard things that we most deeply tap into the truest nature of His strength. It is when we are broken and taken down from our own power and ability to trust in ourselves, that we can look within our hearts and see what we are truly made of.
Do we believe God is powerful enough to work in those areas where we are weak, and to move in ways that we never could have imagined that we even needed to ask Him to move? Do we believe that all the tears are worth it, because at the end of the day, nothing matters more than knowing, delighting in, and trusting in our Creator God? Do we believe that He has our best interest at heart, and do we TRULY believe that by the power of the Holy Spirit living within us, that ALL things are really possible?
I want you all to know something. I want you to live into a new reality, and write a new narrative for yourself. Change how you see yourself, and what you believe about your lack of ability to do something courageous.
I want you to tell yourself that you are beyond broken. You are not just “beautifully broken” (although I do think that is a great and appropriate choice of words for a certain setting), you are BEYOND it. You are beyond broken because you are more, and because you will not live in this broken place of your life forever. You are beyond broken because God has a future and a hope for your life, that is so much more intrinsically and intricately beautiful than your human mind could ever possibly imagine.
You are beyond broken because of Christ, because He has set you free not only for your life in heaven, but for your life that is here on earth right now. You are beyond broken because one day, God will use your testimony of how you overcame, worked through, and allowed the spirit to heal your brokenness to witness to others who are struggling in their own broken seasons of life. You are beyond broken because the spirit of the living God lives on the inside of you. You are beyond broken because through the power of the Holy Spirit living on the inside of you, you ARE enough. Actually, you are MORE than enough for what God has called you to do and who He has called you to be in each and every season of your life. You are beyond broken. You are a daughter or a son of the most high King, and you are made for more than the brokenness of life that you are living in now. You are more. You are enough. And you are meant to be made whole. Continue to trust God even in your brokenness, and just WATCH how He uses you, even in what could seem like a dark and trying season. Just watch how God moves.
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”, (NIV).
2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong”, (NLT).
Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”, (NKJV).
Also, I have attached some pictures to this post of some KY friends and family that I have hung up in my new room in Utah, because looking at all of these beautiful people every day reminds me of how truly blessed I am to have so many people to love in my life, even though it makes saying goodbye so hard.
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