You Should’ve Been Here

Nanaw,

You should’ve been there for my wedding. To help me pick out my wedding dress, the perfect shoes, and to help me get ready on the day of the wedding. You should’ve been there with your three-quarter sleeved dress, making everyone around you laugh and making sure everyone’s hair and makeup looked perfect.

You should’ve been there to meet the man I am going to marry. You should’ve been there to get to know his personality, to make him laugh, and even to make him feel awkward in just the right amount of ways that any family member should.

You should’ve been there to see me graduate from seminary after being in school for so long. You have always been so proud of all your grandkids, and I know when I receive that degree, you would’ve been my biggest cheerleader.

You should’ve seen me have my first kid, to be there through the process of all the nerves, excitement and anxiety that comes with being a first-time parent. You should’ve been there with me at the hospital to see the baby for the first time, and to hold my hand when I get nervous or when the pain seems too great.

It’s hard to believe that you won’t be here to celebrate these stages of life with me. I will certainly miss that smile of yours, your impeccable style, and how you can make anyone laugh no matter how nervous, anxious, or upset they might be.

I hope that moving forward, I will honor you, celebrate you, and make you proud in everything I do. I hope that I become the person you always told me I would be. I hope that the man I marry reminds me of you and has your sense of humor. I pray that he is a gentleman and treats me with respect, just as you always tell all women that they deserve to be treated. I hope the man I marry thinks I am as beautiful as you always told me that I was, and that he loves God with that same love, passion, and dedication that you always did.

I hope that when and if I do have kids, that I can tell them stories about you. I will be sure to include the one when you told my dad his face would look too fat if he cut his hair before your wedding, and the one when you called my dad in the middle of a church service to ask him if a Steeler’s game was on. I will also be sure to tell them all about your shoe closet and your style that was always next-level, no matter what the weather was or where you were going.

I hope I can tell them about the times we sat at the kitchen table with you, watched you do your crossword puzzles, and watched the Price Is Right. I hope I can tell my kids how you always made my dad breakfast when we spent the night (and he never ate breakfast any other time) and how the two of you always loved to argue with each other.

I hope I can learn to make over-easy eggs as good as you always did, and I hope that our family will continue to carry on the tradition of sharing a Thanksgiving meal together even long after you are gone. I hope that we continue to remember you and the many blessings and memories you have shared with us. Nothing will ever be the same without you, but I guess we can all learn to live into a new normal.

Know that you will always be missed and loved down here, but I know how happy everyone in our family is to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are in eternal glory in heaven with Jesus. It is my hope and prayer that all of the individuals in our family can together carry on your memories, your jokes, your laughs, your meals, and most importantly, your incredible, patient, gentle and gracious love.