I ask myself this question quite often. Seminary is challenging, time-consuming, expensive, and straight up just a WHOLE lot of work. It’s hard. It takes up most of my time and money, so why am I doing it?
I am in seminary because I KNOW this is where God has called me. I know that as hard and difficult as these late-night study nights can be, and how challenging it can be for me to try to learn a new language like Hebrew or Greek, I know that being obedient to Christ will make all of this worth it. I can’t promise all of the details of what my future after seminary will hold (although I do have some ideas), but I KNOW that it will be worth it because right now, seminary is where God wants me. I know that being obedient to him will ultimately what makes ALL of this worth it. Not because it’s fun, not because I will get a whole lot of money out of my career when I graduate, not because I will earn “x, y or z” from it, but simply because I am being obedient. If I know God has called me, then I know he will empower me and equip me to finish my seminary degree even on days when I tell myself I’m going to drop out.
There have been many days where I have questioned whether or not I can make it through seminary. And to be honest, by myself, I totally can’t. I am completely and utterly incapable of graduating with a Master’s of Divinity degree without the Holy Spirit working inside my mind and my heart to empower me. There is absolutely no part of this seminary degree or experience as a whole that I am even remotely capable of doing on my own. This experience has and continues to make me acutely aware of just how reliant I am on God. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
Maybe it’s not such a bad thing for me (or any of us) to come to grips with the reality of our humanity. Maybe it’s not so bad for us to recognize that no matter WHAT it is that God has called us to, that it is guaranteed to peal back the layers of our human capacity so that we come to full awareness of our weaknesses. It will make us vulnerable. It will expose us. It will make us realize that we can never run away from the nature of our humanity, and it will awaken us once again to the reality of our need for Jesus Christ our Savior in our lives. It will remind us that there will always be things (no matter how much we wish there weren’t) that we can never do on our own. We need the power of the Holy Spirit within us; to empower us, equip us, and strengthen us (physically, mentally and spiritually). God’s calling on each of our lives will be one that makes us come to full awareness of our humanity, because when we can recognize the nature of our weaknesses, that is when the power of Christ becomes STRONG in us.
Whatever God is calling you to do, friends, remember that HE is the one who is going to empower and equip you. Remember that HE called you to what he has for a specific purpose, one that is uniquely chosen and designed for you. God has called you to something that will make you understand (possibly more than you ever have in your entire life – at least that has been my experience) how much you NEED him. And, I have to say, the reality of this [in some ways, hard] truth used to bother me because I wanted to be able to be confident in MY abilities to finish this seminary degree, but then I remembered those words from the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:10b when he says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong”, (ESV). When I am weak, that is when Christ works most powerfully in me, and you know what, how GREAT is it that I am absolutely incapable in my own abilities to finish ANY seminary degree (let alone an Master’s of Divinity!), because THAT will allow people to see just how amazing and powerful the work and power of Christ is inside of me. I pray that everything about this seminary journey (the experience, the time, my future after) is a testimony to God’s glory. I am so, so incredibly glad to be where I am (and it took me a long time to get to that place in my heart – that in itself was another work of the Holy Spirit on the inside of me) because I know that GOD is who has brought me on this seminary journey. And, not only will he get me through it, but he will even help me to thrive along the way and showcase his incredible power at work within me because, again, that is the ONLY way I have made it this far through seminary and (God-willing) will be able to finish my degree. 🙌🏼🙏🏼
Seek after God, friends. Ask him what he is calling you to do, and I really hope it scares you, because that’s how you know it’s for real: when you know you can’t do it without him.
Exodus 4:11-12: “The Lord said to him [Moses], ‘Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say”, (NIV).
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